


A Cryptid Ate My Cheese

by chocolatecatcupcakecheese



Series: KakaObi Week 2019 (c4) [7]
Category: Naruto
Genre: First Aid, KakaObi Week 2019, Kitchen Cryptid Kakashi, M/M, Platonic Relationships, Roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-10-24 18:19:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17709146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolatecatcupcakecheese/pseuds/chocolatecatcupcakecheese
Summary: Kakashi breaks into Obito’s apartment to get patched up after a mission.For KakaObi WeekDay 7:Domestic|Solitude





	A Cryptid Ate My Cheese

**Author's Note:**

> It’s important to note that this can be read both platonically and romantically. What matters most here is the trust these two idiots have in each other and the care they show. Food mooching and first aid is how you show your affection when you’re a ninja. (That, and stabbing your friends’ enemies.)
> 
> *fingerguns*

Obito woke suddenly. He lay very still, listening for what had disturbed him. 

There was someone in his house. 

He grabbed the kunai from under his pillow, rolled silently out of bed, and grabbed another from the bedside table. He nudged the door open and crept down the hall. There was light coming from the kitchen, sending the shadow of some misshapen form across the ancient carpet. The shadow moved and he paused, fear making his palms sweaty around the kunai.

He remembered the book of scary stories he’d read before bed and cursed himself for an absolute fool.

He turned the corner and his heart leapt into his throat. Something was crouched in the door of the refrigerator. 

_ Oh god, it’s the fucking thin man! _

The creature moved suddenly and Obito shrieked, throwing a kunai at it. The light fell across an exhausted, surprised face and Obito realized as the kunai left his hand that he’d just thrown a fucking knife at  _ Kakashi. _

Kakashi yelped and lost his balance, toppling sideways out of his crouch and falling into the refrigerator door, jostling the bottles of milk against each other. The kunai punched through the carton of orange juice and came to a rest, quivering, embedded halfway through a wilting cabbage.

Kakashi groaned, but made no move to get up.

Obito watched his precious orange juice glug sadly onto the refrigerator shelves and drip onto the floor. Kakashi raised the block of cheddar in his hand to his mouth and took another bite, raising his eyebrows at Obito. As though _Obito_ were the one in the wrong here. 

“Bakashi,” he snarled, gripping the other kunai tightly. “What the fuck are you doing in my kitchen at—” He looked wildly around for a clock even though there were none in view. “—At fucking  _ ass o’clock _ in the morning?” he improvised.

Kakashi took another bite of cheese, chewed, and swallowed. “Hi honey? I’m home?”

“I thought you weren’t back from your assignment until tomorrow?”

“I got back early.” 

Obito took a deep breath and counted to ten. He was entirely too awake for this time of night. He eyed his orange juice again with despair, and mentally relegated it to tomorrow’s list of problems.

“Kakashi. Would you close my fucking refrigerator before the milk spoils?”

Kakashi stood slowly, gingerly in the manner that indicated he was wounded, and closed the door. The slim moonlight fell across him, and Obito’s gaze zeroed in on the spreading dark stain on his side. 

“Kakashi! What the fuck! You’re hurt?”

Kakashi took a massive bite of cheese and made to leap out the open kitchen window. 

Obito lunged forward. “Oh, no you don’t, you absolute  _ bastard, _ get back here!”

He gripped Kakashi by the scruff of his flak jacket, dropped his kunai into the sink, and wrapped a leg around Kakashi’s, his now-empty hand coming forward to bar Kakashi’s chest as he tried to wriggle away.

“No,” Obito said, his voice ringing with command. Kakashi paused, considering the order, then renewed his struggles. Obito used his leverage and kicked Kakashi’s knees from under him, the blocking arm coming around to support his back and the scruffing hand moving up to protect Kakashi’s stupid head as he folded the idiot in half backwards, sending him to the kitchen floor. Kakashi let him, arching his spine and letting his weight come down on Obito’s arms instead of falling and landing on his back.

Obito eyed the absolute idiot, dipped backwards in his arms like they were doing ballroom dancing instead of wrestling in Obito’s kitchen while Kakashi tried to avoid the hospital he  _ very clearly needed. _

“How many broken ribs do you have right now, Kakashi?” Obito asked through gritted teeth, valiantly resisting the urge to yell.

“Maa maa, Obito-kun, ‘tis but a flesh wound—”

“I will knock you out and call Rin.”

“Only one? And two cracked,” Kakashi hurried to add, clearly spying something of Obito’s rage in his face. 

“And so you’re in my kitchen eating my food?”

Kakashi reached up and shoved the rest of the block of cheese into his mouth with a shit-eating grin.

Obito closed his eyes and prayed for patience.  _ I will not aggravate Bakashi’s wounds, I will  _ _ not, _ _ even if it is very tempting. _

Obito set Kakashi back on his feet, gripped him by the ear, and dragged him to the rickety kitchen table. He kicked a chair out and pushed Kakashi into it.

“Shirt off, dumbass. I’ll get the med kit.” Obito pretended not to see the way Kakashi relaxed in relief and headed to the bathroom. Kakashi would be there when he returned, he knew. As aggravating as it was, Obito knew that coming to visit like this was a sign of Kakashi’s trust. He trusted Obito to take care of him where he didn’t trust the hospital.

Obito grabbed the plastic box from under the bathroom sink and pressed down the intrusive visceral sense-memory of hospital disinfectant and blinding white lights. He rolled his shoulder and cracked his neck once, breathing deeply through the ghost of pain. To be honest, he couldn’t blame Kakashi for his avoidance. They each had their own share of reasons to hate the place.

Obito stomped back down the hall, med kit clutched in a white-knuckled grip, and tried to summon up the detached calm this would require. He turned on the light, closing his eyes against the sudden brightness of it, and dropped the kit on the table. Kakashi smiled winningly at him as he tugged a chair over.

“Got any booze in there?”

Obito’s eyes lingered on the bruised and sluggishly bleeding mess along Kakashi’s left side. He cleared his throat once and retrieved the disinfectant.

“Maybe you don’t listen to Rin when she speaks,” he said, pouring peroxide onto a rag, “but drinking alcohol thins your blood and that’s the  _ last _ thing you need right now.”

Kakashi sat silently as Obito cleaned his wound and stitched him up. Obito kept his eyes on his work, ignoring the way Kakashi stared at him.   
When Obito finished bandaging Kakashi’s side, he finally spoke.

“Ah, please excuse the intrusion.”

Obito sighed. “Whatever. Welcome home.”

Kakashi bit his lip, gaze troubled. Obito stood and offered his hand, bulldozing directly through whatever pity party Kakashi was about to start. “Come on. I’m pretty sure I’ve got some of your clothes here someplace.”

As expected, Kakashi grinned, the negative feelings falling by the wayside in favor of an opportunity to be a piece of shit.

“Maa  _ maa, _ Obito-kun, I have more than clothes stashed here.”

Obito rolled his eyes and let a little of the fondness he felt for the idiot show as he helped him to his feet. “Do you think I’m blind, Bakashi? Not only have I found your stupid T-shirts in my laundry, but your toaster is in the kitchen, your toothbrush is in my bathroom, and your stupid blankets are on the sofa. We’re practically roommates at this point.”

Kakashi huffed.  “We  _ are _ roommates. I stopped paying the rent on my place two months back.” 

Obito sighed. There were so many things he could say and all of them were mean. “Bedtime for maladaptive asshats, Bakashi.”

“Let’s go tuck you in, then,” Kakashi grinned. He let Obito bundle him into the bedroom and tuck him in without protest.

“We’re going to see Rin tomorrow morning,” Obito said, as he arranged the pillows to keep Kakashi’s spine straight.

“Maa—”

“Or I could call her  _ right now,” _ Obito offered sweetly.

Kakashi’s protests wilted. “I’d like to see her after she’s had coffee, please.”

Obito smirked and lay down on the other side of the bed. “That’s what I thought. Kick me and I’ll knock you in the floor, wounded or no,” he said, tucking a new kunai from the collection on the bedside table under his pillow and tugging the blankets up to his chin.

Kakashi laughed softly. “Sweet dreams, Obito.”

Obito rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Sweet dreams, Kakashi.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thin Man isn't an actual cryptid as far as I know, just a character from an old murder mystery movie. A character who is thin, with white hair. #happyaccident
> 
> Consider leaving a comment if you enjoyed! ;)
> 
> And hey! If you like KakaObi, consider joining the [ KakaObi Thots Discord Server! ](https://discord.gg/kBYs37k) They’re the ones who hosted the challenge week, and the server is full of so many wonderful people, all creating excellent content for the ship.
> 
> If you just want to chill and talk to people about Naruto in general, I mod a server with Dragonpyre for Naruto fans and content creators. It’s small, but full of fun people! Here’s the [ link! ](https://discord.gg/ss4cMkZ)


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